Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Mental illness

Mental illness is an empty label. You cannot say someone is absolutely crazy. They are only relatively crazy. Though the label often fits very well, and describes someone quite accurately, it's still an empty label. What is the significance of this? It means that someone really can say, "I have bipolar" or "I have schizophrenia" without being in bad faith, while they can also feel beyond that label because the label is totally illusory.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Legend of John Ahn: Chapter 1

I am a shy person. It's OK, but sometimes we're inspired to be more than ourselves. This inspiration can happen through love at first sight, or by witnessing the cosmos, but for me, I was inspired simply by humor, and adventure. It was not a graceful woman or a big dream, but just a good friend who inspired me. John Ahn is a great inspiration. He's the type of person who when you meet him, he brings out your best. That can happen.

He said, "let me fireman's carry you." He fireman's carried Joe, the old old coyote, and spun him around 21 times. 

The old old coyote was observant. He would notice things that were real, yet he did so with great love for all people. He was wise. His loving and wise nature made it all the more comical when John Ahn fireman's carried him.

A rousing game of foursquare was underway. Dolk was picking up a pretty girl. John Ahn ran over and knocked Dolk down by humping him. It was a cock block.

Dolk was a slick-talking businessman, both intelligent and natural. Though he lied often, he did it with great humor, confidence, and great awareness. This made it all the more fitting that while he was flirting with someone John Ahn should run over and hump him.


John Ahn once sang, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" by Britney Spears.


It was a time of great confusion. People valued that which did not deserve value, while undervaluing true wisdom and strength. John Ahn cut through this with the "sword" of irony, when he sang, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" by Britney Spears.


As I began senior year of high school, I became John Ahn's friend. When I was hanging out with him, there was silliness abound. It even existed in echoes after he exited the group at times. It was a type of silliness that was mixed with profound wholesomeness.

When John Ahn's foursquare ball would get taken away, he'd say, "I'm just a victim of circumstance!"

He sent an open letter asking if anyone would go to prom with him. Someone filled out an application.

John Ahn and I watched someone while holding up newspapers. John Ahn poked eyeholes in his. When she confronted us I yelled, "Run!" and we ran away.

John Ahn would meet with people's lives and brighten and illuminate them. Only for a time would he be there, but always would he cheer people up.

Dolk was talking to the same girl later that day. John Ahn ran over and knocked Dolk over with humping again. The girl walked away again.

John Ahn wrote in marker on himself, "Milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made."

My father met John Ahn after graduation. People were getting bludgeoned with big gladiator sticks and so forth.

There was a hypnotist and some people tried to get into a trance. They were falling over. John Ahn fell on one of them. It was Joe, the old old coyote.

colin tried to clean and press John Ahn and colin's knees buckled. It was one of the few times colin feared for his life.

I put a America henna tattoo on my arm, and John Ahn put one on his neck. We yelled at passersby, "Liberty!" "Freedom!" "America!"

We all played Red Rover in the hallway. We held hands and said, "red Rover Red Rover we call that guy over" and the guy would instantly run at us. We said, "Red Rover Red Rover we call everyone over!" and the whole hallway stormed us and knocked us over.

High School ended, and all of our friends went to different places. Later on, I struggled. I struggled enormously. That inspiration was lost. The basic inspiration that says, "Not only can you do whatever you want, but you can do it without getting into any trouble." Confucius said he achieved that at 70. Sometimes I think John Ahn achieved it at 20.

In the city there were 20 Santa Clauses. Joongbae pointed at them. The person in the car next to us turned. John Ahn said, "It's an army of Santa Clauses!"

John Ahn said to Choketsu, "I didn't know you were from China. WHOA!"

John Ahn, Quick Khash and I bought a life sized poster of Dolk, a painting of Dolk flexing, and the Vitruvian Dolk for Dolk's successive birthdays.

Still, every time he visited, fun would reappear. What is the lesson? How can I be a life of the party like the great John Ahn? How could it be done? Pablo asked the same questions. What was the essence of Joongbae that would make one so free, so loving, so happy?

At a wedding John Ahn and I sang Motown to an Asian table. At the end of the song, he bowed respectfully, admitting of the audience both a high degree of patience and the love of the moment that they shared. 

St. Ronald the Magnificent asked me if he should say, "Hey John how ya doin?" even though he never met John Ahn and John Ahn didn't know him. I said he should. St. Ronald the Magnificent said, to John Ahn, "Hey John how ya doin?" and John Ahn was totally natural. It was a meeting of great men, the passing of ships in the night, if you will. It was day though.

John Ahn and I walked through D.C. and would say, "Take a look at that body!" indiscriminately.

When we're with him, we're fun. When we're alone, we're ourselves. That's just part of the circle. For you see, We cannot be John Ahn. Only John Ahn can be John Ahn. He can inspire us to greatness, but it will be our greatness. Everyone has his own path in life to carve out. No matter how much we'd like to fireman's carry everyone, or point out the army of Santa Clauses, it wouldn't be the same without our friend there. Keep friends who are your equal. If no one is your equal, walk alone. John Ahn is my equal. He is a good friend. Still, it is time to be me. No one can do it better!

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Magical thinking

What is the idea of magic? It seems to me that it's "whatever is impossible." If something is going downwards and upwards, it is magical. Any time someone finds himself believing in magical thinking, it is simply contradictory a priori. By definition, it contradicts. In saying "I can fly" you say "it's impossible to fly yet I do it." if you had an airplane, you would not call it magical. People fall into magical thinking in many ways, some subtle some overt. It's basically always, "I contradict what is." If you contradict what is, then you are not grounded in anything at all. There is nothing but misery. 

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Dreaming is half a thought.

There was a book called the Dream Frontier that suggested dreams are just thoughts without subjects. That is, if the thought were, "he goes to the store," it would only have, "goes to the store." The person doing the thinking is implied, because you are in the dream world. The way the authors said it was that it's like Jeopardy: Answers without questions. You need to figure out the question.

Thinking can take the same form, with one exception. While there are often interjections and half-sentences in self-dialog, there is still a real physical world around you to ground you in reality. That could be why we don't become totally immersed in our thoughts. There are also half-realities where we start to think in confabulations, as discussed elsewhere (Sorry I lost the source on that one).

The mind can be a lot more creative when it is not fettered by the need to make a complete thought. What's produced may resonate more, while making a bit less sense.

Image result for jeopardy

Friday, November 25, 2016

The dream of dreams

My dream is to be a Zen master. I'm not yet, but it's my dream. Therefore, when I dream (as in, at night, in my bed) I attempt to teach Zen to the imaginary dream world. It's my dream. I like this idea. Take your dream. If you dream of flying, then fly in your dreams. If you want to travel the Earth in your dream, then when you're dreaming travel the Earth.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Why We Ought To Contribute

There are two possibilities. Either we will live forever, or we will die. Perhaps we'll go on eternally in some heaven, or perhaps everything goes away in the end. If we die, then we owe it to ourselves to live every moment to the fullest before the evanescent world screeches to a halt for us. However, if that becomes a depressing thought, because it is fatalistic, and why bother? Then, it is time to realize that maybe we will live forever. Maybe our actions do have consequences. Maybe we can make a lasting difference. There is no proof that we can make a dent on this world, nor is there proof that our lives are meaningless. That ambiguity is the very reason we must live life to the fullest, today. We must make lives better for everyone, savor life, and be good people. It is the imperative.

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In fact, it is very important to strive. Why? No reason. Strive for no reason at all. Greatness is a fantasy, but pursue it. Just work hard. If you fall into relaxation and laziness, it won't even feel that great. It feels exactly the same as striving, actually. There's always very fine and subtle discontent. Just try.