Being Easy On Yourself When You Have Mental Illness

I am often told, "Don't be so hard on yourself." What does this mean, though? In my view, there is an aspect of bipolar where we are perpetually misunderstood. Some say people with my situation seek validation and approval, while others say we are too hard on ourselves. I think that is missing the point slightly. Actually, I am also an Al-anon, an adult child of an alcoholic. Part of this thinking is that my mind is very dark, but I let people in often. When I do, they feel sorry for me. It's not that I'm unhappy. I just have a different way of processing. https://coaisathing.com/2018/07/04/stop-trying-to-fix-me/ . This was written about here. People trying to fix you is inevitable, particularly with my background. However, "don't be so hard on yourself" always feels like a kick in the gut. It's essentially saying, "You need to have unconditional love for yourself," and since it's applied in the negative, it means, "You lack unconditional love." It is intended as helpful, but the fact is the person simply can't get into the mind of someone who's struggling. There are some helpful tips for this though.

1. Don't overshare.

People who are pitied often overshare, according to one Quora post.

2. If someone accepts you, that's enough

We do need validation in small doses, but it doesn't mean we need it from everyone. We really do need one person out there to unconditionally love us, and seeking that is not selfish. Nor is it a sign of insecurity. I have found that, but not everyone has. Keep looking and don't feel bad about it.

3. Communicate that you require respect

Some people in my life used to walk all over me. I was a doormat. I decided to advocate for myself by saying, "I have a mental illness, as you know.  I need you to be nice to me to reduce my stress levels. Even if it doesn't feel natural to you, it will help me greatly. Please do this." People generally comply. Those who don't, usually disrespect everyone around them, not just you.

Bipolar and mood journals

I was once saved from mania by a mood journal. I think you can do the same thing, if you have bipolar and are intent on regulating it. As I tracked my moods daily, I started to notice that as I was tracking my "frustration" levels on the mood journal, they started going up considerably. I noticed that my moods shifted abruptly towards a "4 out of 4" on frustration and a "3 out of 4" on grandiosity. I was escalating with my enlightened/unenlightened grandiosity. That is, I started to think that I was enlightened, or I started to think, "I've overcome the idea of enlightenment, and therefore I'm enlightened, but I've overcome that," ad infinitum. It was almost like a racing thought. I soon went to my psychiatrist who upped my meds after I nervously explained how I was feeling. He told me they would curb my frustration. It worked.

There was more going on at the time. After I went to my therapy appointment, I discovered that I had recently lost sleep because I was planning to go skydiving. Solution? Don't do anything crazy. Don't jump out of a plane. Sure, the jump would be safe, but the mania would not be. Then, I also had a problem with a mentor of mine who basically eviscerated me. Solution? Don't talk to this person again. There are lots of things you can do when your interpersonal relationships are moving towards stress.

Mood journals are available via DBSA. http://www.facingus.org. They have many questions each day you can fill out, and for me I feel proud after completing it because I'm tracking my health. If you're more private you can do it on your own, on paper. I don't think they misuse your info, but it's up to you. It is very helpful for those intent on managing bipolar.

I end this by saying good luck as you manage bipolar. For me, it's a journey. It's almost a mythic quest, minus the grandeur. It's a purpose, and a good one. I didn't ask to have bipolar, but there are things I can do about it. I can track my moods, I can go to my appointments, I can take my meds, and I can look out for stressors and life changes. Good luck to you in your journey.

sarvam atmavasham sukham

sarvam paravasham dukham

sarvam atmavasham sukham

sarve mangalam bhavatu

sarvam atmavasham mangalam

sarve atmavasham bhavatu