I am often told, "Don't be so hard on yourself." What does this mean, though? In my view, there is an aspect of bipolar where we are perpetually misunderstood. Some say people with my situation seek validation and approval, while others say we are too hard on ourselves. I think that is missing the point slightly. Actually, I am also an Al-anon, an adult child of an alcoholic. Part of this thinking is that my mind is very dark, but I let people in often. When I do, they feel sorry for me. It's not that I'm unhappy. I just have a different way of processing. https://coaisathing.com/2018/07/04/stop-trying-to-fix-me/ . This was written about here. People trying to fix you is inevitable, particularly with my background. However, "don't be so hard on yourself" always feels like a kick in the gut. It's essentially saying, "You need to have unconditional love for yourself," and since it's applied in the negative, it means, "You lack unconditional love." It is intended as helpful, but the fact is the person simply can't get into the mind of someone who's struggling. There are some helpful tips for this though.
1. Don't overshare.
People who are pitied often overshare, according to one Quora post.
2. If someone accepts you, that's enough
We do need validation in small doses, but it doesn't mean we need it from everyone. We really do need one person out there to unconditionally love us, and seeking that is not selfish. Nor is it a sign of insecurity. I have found that, but not everyone has. Keep looking and don't feel bad about it.
3. Communicate that you require respect
Some people in my life used to walk all over me. I was a doormat. I decided to advocate for myself by saying, "I have a mental illness, as you know. I need you to be nice to me to reduce my stress levels. Even if it doesn't feel natural to you, it will help me greatly. Please do this." People generally comply. Those who don't, usually disrespect everyone around them, not just you.
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