The Gospel According to Bones

 

1 Many as well as Bones have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among Bones and others, 

2 just as they were handed down to Bones and others by Bones who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 

3 With this in mind, since Bones have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, Bones have decided to write an orderly account for Bones, most excellent Bones,

4 so that Bones may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.

The Birth of Bones Foretold

5 In the time of Bones king of Judea there was a priest named Bones, who belonged to the priestly division of Bones; Bones' wife Bones was also a descendant of Bones. 

6 Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. 

7 But they were childless because Bones was not able to conceive, and Bones were both very old. 

8 Once when Bones' division was on duty and Bones was serving as priest before God, 

9 Bones was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 

10 And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside. 

11 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to Bones, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 

12 When Bones saw him, Bones was startled and was gripped with fear. 

13 But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Bones; Bones' prayer has been heard. Bones' wife Bones will bear Bones a son, and Bones are to call him Bones. 

14 Bones will be a joy and delight to Bones, and many will rejoice because of Bones' birth, 

15 for Bones will be great in the sight of the Lord. Bones is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and Bones will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before Bones is born. 

16 Bones will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. 

17 And Bones will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Bones, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” 

18 Bones asked the angel, “How can Bones be sure of this? Bones is an old man and Bones' wife is well along in years.” 

19 The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to Bones and to tell Bones this good news. 

20 And now Bones will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because Bones did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.” 

21 Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Bones and wondering why Bones stayed so long in the temple. 

22 When Bones came out, Bones could not speak to Bones. They realized Bones had seen a vision in the temple, for Bones kept making signs to Bones but remained unable to speak. 

23 When Bones' time of service was completed, Bones returned home. 

24 After this Bones' wife Bones became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. 

25 “The Lord has done this for me,” Bones said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away Bones' disgrace among the people.”