Chess Wit

Chess is a battle of wits. For example,  I was in Washington Square Park and I challenged a chess shark to a game of chess, and I said, “what’s the wager?” and he said, “it’s not a gamble, it’s a fee.” He was likely trying to outwit me psychologically so that I would be a weaker chess opponent. My friend said, “you mean like you give chess lessons? How much is it?” he put away his chessboard and called my friends and I, “a bunch of fucking nerds.” He clearly outwitted us again, while not even using his chess pieces.

Then there was the instance when I found out a girl I liked was in admiration of chess players, and went out with a well-known one. Being a chess player myself, I invited her to a chess club where we might play a game and enjoy a conversation. She said, “I don’t like to play chess.” Checkmate.

Then finally there was the brashest instance of chess wit, when I was playing a game of chess and my opponent began breastfeeding. On the topic of breastfeeding in public I have to say that I don’t care very much, but when it comes to games of chess, I believe breastfeeding should be banned. My opponent's husband was kibitzing the game, and said, "are you looking at my wife's chest?" It was right near the pieces, so I could neither look at the pieces, nor look away (as that would mean I might lose the game). I won the game, with much concentration, but I still oppose this form of psychological gambit.