Are Squirrels Communists?

Squirrels may be socialists, or even to the extreme you could call them communists. They bury their acorns in the commons of our backyard, only to reap what little they can randomly, forgetting who they planted the acorns for. It is a pathetically inefficient system, what I am calling the squirrel socialist regime.

Do not vote for any squirrel who is running for office. Actually, squirrels generally do not run for office. You probably already knew that. In fact, I would say there is over a 99% chance that you believed with over 99% certainty that squirrels have never run for a major office in any country in the history of the world. However, in case you didn’t, or in case they ever decide to, by some freak of nature, do not vote for a squirrel, unless you are a communist. If you do not believe my argument that squirrels are communists, take a look at the furs they walk around in, like those people in the cold communist tundras. There is a distinct chance, though at a very low likelihood of probability, that this will convince you.

It is also possible that they emulate the behavior of communists without actually being communists. In fact, this argument is tenable. I think there is also the possibility that you are also a communist, so that you may sympathize with these red squirrels.

It is also possible that this argument is wrong, and that they are not communists. There are actually two distinct possibilities. 1. Squirrels are communists. 2. Squirrels are not communists.