Is it heaven or hell

 I died and wasn't told if I was going to eternal heaven or eternal hell. I was only told it was one of the two. I told another traveller, "I'm afraid." He was a jolly man who said, "but there is no eternal hell. Don't be afraid." I walked into the mansion where I would reside. The jolly man walked to the opposite hallway. I saw a fridge filled only with ice, and thought, "I wonder if I went to hell and that man went to heaven. I'll go down the hallway to check out his palace." His was equally nice and had better luxuries. I sat there as more people walked in the room. First 5 men, then two women. The men were jolly, so I thought, "this is the good life". The women were suspicious of all the men, so I thought, "for these women, this is not heaven. But I wouldn't mind them being here." I woke up. It was a dream, but perhaps a prophetic one.

Autobiographical vignettes - Breakfast At Tiffany's

 I was at a party with Bob and John Ahn, and I said to John Ahn, “We got nothing in common, no common ground to start from, and we’re falling apart.” And he said, “What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” I said, “I think I remember the film, and as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it,” and he said, “Well that’s one thing we got.”

People want to feel sorry for you

If you are truly honest with people, they will pity you as a way to dominate you. If you are better than them in every way they'll invent some way to pity you or ignore the good news you give them.

I think this is why people bullshit to make themselves look great. It's not just that they want people to be jealous. They also don't want people pitying them. I am courageous enough to be fully transparent even though almost everyone pities me for it. It's their problem, not mine.

I used to think I felt sorry for myself because other people felt sorry for me. In other words, I thought, "It sucks when people pity me. My life sucks because of their pity." Then, once I got everything I wanted in the world and people still pitied me, I no longer pitied myself for it. Then I realized that my self pity wasn't because of their pity. It was independent. I knew this because people still pity me, but I no longer care. Self pity is our own creation. I have had it and it was nobody's fault but mine. Now, other people pitying me is totally their fault. In fact, their pity for me would have been there all along either way. I didn't cause it.

Proper breathing helps flat affect

 Flat affect is where the emotions, facial expressions, and energy are blunted. It happens with various psychiatric disorders. If you breathe from the diaphragm, ribs, belly, pelvic floor, back, and chest, you have more energy and less flat affect. You may be thinking, "Don't breathe into your chest!" But you are incorrect.  Here's a video on proper breathing:

It changed my life. I'm more confident, relaxed, energized, emotionally expressive, calm, content, and even down-to-Earth. It takes a long time to fix all the various breathing issues, and Dr. Duvall has many videos correcting these things. I highly recommend them. I noticed after watching myself on video before and after fixing my breathing that I have less flat affect now. Also less monotone and better speaking voice. 

Competitive happiness is OK.

What if happiness is a goal to be attained? What if it's OK to want the most happiness? Spirituality of all traditions teaches us to balk at competition. What if the happiest people are those who strive the most? Maybe all of this "everyone's a winner" stuff is just nonsense. I want happiness. I'm sure you do too. I want you to be happy, but the thing I care most about is my own happiness. That is universal, unless MAYBE if you have kids and you want them to be happiest. Still, you can be goal-oriented and happy even if you still wish for others to be happy. There's nothing wrong with being a performance oriented person.

I'm not saying I'm correct. I'm just considering this position for today. Maybe you would agree with it. It's food for thought.